Your life is so full, isn’t it, mama?
Full of laughter. Full of kissable cheeks. Full of dance parties and Lego towers and fairy princess dresses.
It’s also full of tiny people.
Squirmy babies. Wobbly toddlers. Chatty preschoolers.
It’s full. It’s good. And, you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
But sometimes, in those quiet moments when you’re sneaking a cookie behind the pantry door or enjoying the hush of the evening after all the kids are in bed, you hear them.
They’re sneaky thoughts about how alone you are, how incapable you feel, and how irreparably changed your life is. Sometimes they seep in slowly, and other times they hit you hard like a punch to your gut.
Either way, it’s time to start calling them what they are.
A Helpful Version of Name-Calling
That word lie is a funny one, don’t you think? As a noun, it is simply something untrue. As a verb, it keeps you still and unmoving.
And lies really can have a paralytic effect, can’t they? When we believe them, we give them power. When we give them power, they tend to keep us still and unmoving. Tethered in place. Stuck.
I have some good news, though, mama: You don’t have to believe the lies.
Once you call them by name and recognize them, you can rise above them and put truth in their place.
There are, of course, a lot of lies floating around out there when it comes to motherhood. I find three to be the most dominant, especially in those early years with small babes.
So, let’s call them out and fight back against them together.
Motherhood Lie #1:
I Am Alone
There are so many scenarios that feed into this lie.
- Maybe you’re working through something really challenging with one of your kids and you feel like no one can possibly understand how hard it is.
- Maybe you’re cooking dinner with two tiny people at your ankles while the rest of your friends are enjoying happy hour on the patio of your favorite restaurant.
- Maybe you’re hiding in the bathroom right this moment and feeling both alone but also never alone all rolled into one weird and inexplicable combination.
Whatever the scenario, motherhood can feel strangely isolating, can’t it?
Speak against this lie, friend.
You are not alone. (I mean, I’m here talking to you, aren’t I?)
There is a village of other moms who have walked where you’re walking and who stand ready to support you; you just have to find them (and then utilize them).
Luckily, there is no shortage of resources as you begin your quest.
Start Close to Home
Mamaraderie doesn’t have to be hard to find (just ask Chelsea). But to fight the lie of loneliness, you’re going to have to get out and find your people.
- Check to see if there’s a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group in your town.
- Take your kids to storytime at your local library or look for local community events.
- Host playdates in your home or meet other moms at a park.
Sometimes when you stay cooped up in your house for too long, you become a prisoner of your own lonely thoughts.
Get out. Talk to other moms. Share your experiences.
If you do this, I promise you’ll find that you’re not the only one who feels your feels.
Expand Your Search
The beauty of the digital age is the instant connection it provides you to other people in similar circumstances.
There are plenty of wise mamas who not only went before you, but also wrote their words down so you can keep them near. Books like Bloom by Kelle Hampton, For the Love by Jen Hatmaker, or The Magic of Motherhood by the ladies over at Coffee + Crumbs just might meet you exactly where you’re at and further remind you that you are not alone in your experiences or challenges.
This is exactly why The Mighty Moms Club exists; we are collectively passionate about living life and sharing experiences with other moms like you.
Similarly, Bible studies like this one for the ordinary days or this one for the overwhelming moments might help point you toward Someone who will give you the ultimate reminder you that you are never alone.
However you choose to fill your life, the truth seems worth mentioning again: You are not alone.
Motherhood Lie #2:
I Am Doing It Wrong
This lie blows in with the storm of a screaming toddler mid-tantrum or when your tone gets too sharp after your daughter accidentally presses two handprints of paint into your carpet.
It’s easy to fixate on all the ways you think you’re failing and even easier to beat yourself up over the low points of your days.
But here’s the truth, mama: If you love your kids, you’re doing it right.
- The patience you showed when your daughter spilled an entire glass of milk on the floor.
- The way you played with your son from your post on the couch despite your nagging morning sickness.
- The moment you chose to leave your phone in the other room, so you could focus on the dance party in your living room.
Those things matter. They are important. They are evidence that you are doing this thing well.
So, instead of lingering on the times you lost your patience or were unfocused during the day, make it a habit to focus on the good as you close out each night. Remind yourself of all the ways you’re succeeding.
Are you going to fall short sometimes? Yes, of course! We all do. (Thankfully, we never really have to rely on our own strength anyway.)
But if you keep doing all you can to love your kids well, then you’re doing far more right than wrong.
And that’s the truth.
Motherhood Lie #3:
My Life Will Never Be the Same
Okay, this lie is tricky.
It’s tricky because, well, it’s true.
Your life won’t ever be the same.
But the truth is, that’s a good thing.
Your life won’t ever be the same!
It will be fuller. Richer. More joy-filled.
You will be changed and revealed in ways that otherwise would not be possible. You will be better because of this irreversible season you have entered.
Sure, you may have to turn down some evenings out and you may feel forever like that work-life balance is just out of reach, but, if you let it, this motherhood thing will shape you into something really good.
Look for the good on a daily basis, and you will find it.
The Truth Will Set You Free
Mama, maybe you just need to hear it one more time:
- You are not alone.
- You are doing a great job.
- You are never again going to be the same.
Speak those truths when the lies start to creep in, and you will diffuse their power.
But don’t stop there.
You are, of course, not the only one who hears these lies, and, I daresay, you won’t be the last.
So, see your fellow mamas and speak truth into their lives, too.
- Bring your co-worker a coffee with a splash of solidarity when her two-year-old suddenly starts waking up in the middle of the night.
- Tell your friend how impressed you are by the patience and calmness she displays when correcting her son’s disobedience.
- Write your sister a note to tell her that you love watching motherhood transform her into a stronger and more centered person.
Be a champion of truth. Be a champion of other moms.
And then, watch your life fill to the brim and overflow with goodness when the lies you are prone to believe are replaced with things like support and perspective.
There is, after all, always more room for more of the good things, don’t you think?
What about you? What lies do you find yourself susceptible to? What’s the countering truth that helps you break free?
Have You Read These Yet?
- Dear Homemaker: Use These 70 Life-Hacks to Steal More Time
- Goodbye Mom Guilt: 5 Sanity Savers That Won’t Screw Up Your Kid
- You are a Mighty Mom. (Even If You Don’t Feel Like It.)
- Having a Bad Mom-Day? Read This.
- 5 Truths for the Hurting Mama on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
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Molly is the mom of three kids under the age of four and the wife of a busy (and extremely handsome) resident doctor. Mostly though, she’s a particularly average person just trying to live each day well. She spends most of her days perfecting the messy bun, drinking all the coffee, and observing every piece of beauty she can find in the mundane. Read more about Molly in her full bio here.