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It’s Time: No More Judging in the Mom-Space

Ladies. 

I was sad this morning.

I was bopping around the internet, stopping by some forums, throwing out virtual hugs, high-fives, and the occasional, “have you tried…” suggestions to desperate parents.

Too many times, I ran up against one of those comments.

The one that makes you cringe, because you know it sent a knife straight from the screen and into the tender-shoot of a struggling mom’s heart.

The one that said, dripping in haughtiness…

“I would never feed my baby THAT.  It’s cancer in a bottle.”  

…or…

 “You’re being selfish working, you know. Your baby needs you at home”

or…

“You’re trying to sleep train your 9-month-old?  That’s abusive.

or…

“I think moms who [insert feeding choice here] are crazy.”

*sigh*

Quantum Mechanics In a Shape-Sorter

Each person reading this page (self included) has a million things going on right now, feeding into the larger context of this “parenting” thing we’re all trying so hard to ace.

Those “let me tell you why I’m better than you” kind of comments are so frustratingly pointless.

It’s taking something incredibly complicated (like Quantum Mechanics) and trying to squeeze it into a toddler toy. 

True, the breastfeeding/formula, working mom/sahm, organic/who cares, categories seem like they should fit inside the standard “square, circle, triangle, star” holes of life.

But life is so much messier than what we’d like it to be.

Life is really more like a Jackson Pollock, when everyone wants to act like it’s paint-by-numbers.

Enough.

The Year of the Phoenix

I’m hereby declaring this The Year of the Phoenix.

This is the year that moms who have felt the flash-burn of judgment turn that pain into a glorious beacon of encouragement for the moms coming after them.

We will use those not-so-good memories to fuel a new passion:  building up a fresh generation of empowered and confident mothers.

No more Stepford Moms.

We’re all a mess, really.

Let’s be real with one another. This is why I decided to become a panelist in the Sisterhood of Motherhood program.

The video below will show you why I couldn’t resist hitching my wagon to the kindness campaign.

Not only will it make you chuckle, it has such a tenderly sweet message that I found myself looking around Starbucks for someone to hug.   (You’ve been warned!)

Rising from the Ashes

Take a minute to consider the things people said to you in the past year regarding your “parenting job”. I’m sure many of them were encouraging, but there’s always that one…

It left you scowling.  Defensive.  Hurt.

It burned.

Today’s the day, friend.

Bury those ashes.  Remind yourself of the 101 ways you’re an awesome mom. 

And then, deep inside let your heart stir…hatch…take flight.  Let the pain of those judgmental and hurtful comments push you to do more for the new moms coming up behind you.  

The ones with eyes as big as saucers who are so utterly overwhelmed with it all.

Take your wings and surround those newbies in acceptance, encouragement, kindness… It’s a beautiful thing, this Sisterhood of Mothers.

Let’s expand the flock.

Does your heart have healing to do? 

How have others affected your mom-esteem?  For good? or for evil?

Have You Read These Yet?

 

Similac partnered with bloggers such as me for its Sisterhood of Motherhood Program. As part of this program, I receive compensation for my time. Similac believes that consumers and bloggers are free to form their own opinions and share them in their own words. Similac’s policies align with WOMMA Ethics Code, Federal Trade Commission (FTC) guidelines and social media engagement recommendations.

10 thoughts on “It’s Time: No More Judging in the Mom-Space

  1. This article really uplifts my spirits. As a new mom, I’ve been constantly given advises by my in-laws, my husbands aunts and even strangers how to raise my child. It irks me sometimes because some of the things they tell me doesn’t go with my guts. Like they tell me to not rock my baby to sleep because it would be hard to break it later or constantly cuddling with my daughter because she would be dependent on me “forever”. I mean, my daughter’s just two months old and they mean well but sometimes what they tell me doesn’t apply to my baby sometimes. I think I have a high-need baby and its hard to explain it to them that my baby is not just the same with their babies.

    1. Nova,

      I’m so glad this article encouraged you. We really believe you should trust your mama instincts. God made you your baby’s mama for a reason!

  2. I don’t know if it was experience or age. There’s a 15 year gap between my kids. It’s probably a combination of both. Either way I agree. I know I made judgments based on what I thought I knew, but I kept those judgments to myself. I grew as a person and realized I don’t know as much as I thought I did way back when. It just kills me when I see parents (especially those who should have the experience to know better) criticizing other parents over the dumbest stuff – like not having a sit down family dinner every night even though the husband works nights, or whether or not their kids are allowed to use any electronics, or whether they use a stroller or babywear. I don’t get it. Are your kids happy, as healthy as circumstances allow, and loved? Then you’re doing your job. How you get that job done shouldn’t matter to me or anyone else.

  3. Amen. When the sanctimommies start organizing, reading a parenting blog feel more like facing down the armies of Mordor. Do what’s best for your family, don’t hurt mine, and we’re all good.

    1. TJ,

      I don’t know about you, but I found for myself that a “critical mommy spirit” came out of my own insecurities. As I have had more experience and the years have gone by I am more secure in my parenting and MUCH less critical of others!

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