Potty learning is a big step toward your child’s independence. But pooping isn’t just “the next part”—it often feels like a completely different journey. It calls for extra patience, connection, and gentle guidance. By creating a calm, positive environment and tuning into your child’s emotions, you can help them feel safe and supported as they learn something new.
Why Pooping Feels Different
Before you introduce anything new, pause and really observe your child. Are they showing signs they’re ready—like staying dry longer, getting curious about the potty, or watchinSg others in the bathroom?
Pooping is usually more emotional than peeing. It takes more awareness, more time, and a greater sense of safety in the body.
What Makes It Harder:
- More Relaxation Needed: Peeing often just happens. But for poop, the body needs to completely relax—and that can be tricky if your child feels even a little unsure.
- Different Muscles: Pooping uses different muscles, and your child, whether you are potty training a boy or girl may need time to learn how to use them.
- Worries and Fears: Some kids feel like they’re losing something when they poop. Others find the toilet big or loud. It’s not just a physical change—it’s emotional, too.
- Subtle Cues: Poop signals are often quiet—like pausing mid-play, squatting, or hiding. They’re easy to miss, especially early on.
Empathy Makes the Difference
It’s completely normal for your child to feel uncertain or even scared. You might say:
“This feels different, and that’s okay. I’m right here with you.”
Just that reassurance can go a long way.
Common Challenges with Poop Potty Learning
- Holding It In: Some children choose not to poop, often because they’re scared or unsure. This can lead to constipation, so it’s important to notice the signs early—and respond gently.
- Preferring the Diaper: Diapers feel familiar. If your child seems attached, that’s okay. It means they need more time and support.
- More Frequent Accidents: Poop accidents often happen more than pee accidents. Instead of framing them as setbacks, remind yourself—and your child—that this is part of learning.
“Oops! Looks like your body’s still figuring this out. That’s okay—we’ll keep trying together.”
Even if things were going well, regression is normal—especially during big life changes or transitions.
How to Support Poop in the Potty
1. Talk About Poop as a Normal Part of Life
Use simple, warm language:
“Your body uses food for energy, and whatever it doesn’t need becomes poop. The potty is where it goes!”
Read books or tell stories that show other kids learning. These stories help your child feel seen and less alone.
2. A Gentle Step-by-Step Approach (If Your Child Prefers Diapers)
Potty learning is in stages so let them go at their own pace:
- Poop in the diaper—but in the bathroom.
- Sit on the potty with the diaper still on.
- Cut a small hole in the diaper so poop can drop into the potty.
- When they’re ready, try without the diaper.
No rush. Let their body and confidence lead the way.
3. Watch for the Body’s Signals
Common cues include:
- Going quiet or still
- Squatting or shifting posture
- Touching their tummy
When you see these signs, invite them to the potty with calm and kindness:
“Looks like your body’s ready. Let’s check if some poop wants to come out!”
4. Support Relaxation
Relaxation helps the poop come out. Here are a few gentle tools that can make this easier:
- Small potty or toilet seat reducer: Offers security and encourages independence.
- Books and stories: Can be comforting—but should never replace real connection. Use them as a bridge, not a substitute.
- Flexible routines: Try after meals or during times your child usually poops.
- Fun accessories: Stickers, timers, or favorite songs help make the experience playful.
- Blowing bubbles or a pinwheel: Helps relax tummy and pelvic muscles.
- Quiet music or dim lighting: Calms the body and mind.
5. Make It Playful
- Introduce the potty as a friend: “Look, the potty is here to help! Want to give it a name or put some stickers on it?”
- Turn it into a game: “Let’s race—who gets to the potty first, you or your dino?”
- 6. Collaborate with Daycare
Make a plan together. Let your child’s caregivers know how things are going at home, and ask how they approach poop support at daycare. Are they noticing signals? Do they offer calm reminders? Are they open to letting your child use a familiar potty insert or bringing a favorite book into the bathroom?
Keep the messaging consistent: If you’re saying “poop goes in the potty” at home, make sure that language carries over into daycare. Daily updates—even quick ones—can help you stay on the same page.
Remind your child that their daycare teachers are part of their potty team:
“If your belly feels funny at school, you can tell your teacher. They know how to help you.”
When adults work together, children feel safer, and safety is what leads to success.
What to Avoid
If you’ve reacted with stress or pressure, it’s okay. You can always reconnect with warmth:
“I’m sorry if it felt hard earlier. We’re figuring this out together. I’m here with you.”
Avoid:
- Forcing the potty
- Comparing your child to others
- Creating strict routines that don’t match your child’s rhythms
Every child learns at their own pace.
Gentle Truths: Myths to Let Go Of
Many popular strategies can make things harder. Here are a few to rethink:
- Big Material Rewards:
These shift motivation away from the body. Instead, use genuine praise: “You tried it! I’m so proud of how brave you were.” - Pressure-Based Language:
Telling them “You have to poop now” can backfire. Try instead: “Think your poop might be ready? Let’s see!” - Negative Words About Poop:
Avoid words like “gross” or “dirty.” Use language that respects their body: “Your body’s doing a great job letting go of what it doesn’t need anymore.” - Comparisons:
Every child has a different rhythm. The best pace is theirs.
Support for You as a Parent
This journey isn’t just about your child. It’s about you too.
- Take breaks for yourself. A moment of music, deep breathing, or quiet can help reset your energy.
- Breathe and recalibrate:
If you feel overwhelmed, pause and come back to calm. - Embrace accidents: “Oops! That’s okay. Your body’s still learning.”
- Lean on community:
Talk with other parents or caregivers if you feel stuck. - Celebrate your effort:
Being a calm, loving parent during stressful moments is a huge win. You’re doing the work that matters.
In Closing
Poop learning takes time. It asks for patience, empathy, and flexibility. But with a playful, supportive approach and tools that make your child feel safe, you can guide them through it—one step at a time.
Every small victory matters. Celebrate them all. And remember: this isn’t about perfection—it’s about growing, together.
Citations
Kiddoo, Darcie A. “Toilet Training Children: When to Start and How to Train.” Canadian Medical Association Journal 184, no. 5 (March 20, 2012): 511–11. https://doi.org/10.1503/cmaj.110830.
Choby, Beth A, and Shefaa George. “Toilet training.” American family physician vol. 78,9 (2008): 1059-64. https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2008/1101/p1059.html
American Academy of Pediatrics, “Emotional Issues and Potty Training Problems,” HealthyChildren.org, November 2, 2009, https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/Emotional-Issues-and-Bathroom-Problems.aspx?_gl=1.
Clifford, T, and FP Gorodzinsky. “Toilet Learning: Anticipatory Guidance with a Child-Oriented Approach.” Paediatrics & Child Health 5, no. 6 (September 1, 2000): 333–35. https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/5.6.333.
American Academy of Pediatrics, “Toilet Training: 12 Tips to Keep the Process Positive,” HealthyChildren.org, November 6, 2023, https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/Praise-and-Reward-Your-Childs-Success.aspx.
Editorial Team, “Tricks to Get Your Toddler to Poop on the Potty,” Cleveland Clinic, July 14, 2022, https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-should-you-do-when-your-kid-refuses-to-poop.
Schmitt, Barton. “Constipation.” HealthyChildren.org. Accessed October 15, 2024. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/symptom-checker/Pages/symptomviewer.aspx?symptom=Constipation.
Reeves, Patrick T., and Christine Waasdorp Hurtado. “Constipation in Children.” HealthyChildren.org, 2022. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/abdominal/Pages/Constipation.aspx.
American Academy of Pediatrics, “The Right Age to Toilet Train,” HealthyChildren.org, May 24, 2022, https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/The-Right-Age-to-Toilet-Train.aspx.
UC Davis Children’s Hospital. “Do’s and Don’ts of Potty Training Your Toddler .” health.ucdavis.edu, n.d. https://health.ucdavis.edu/children/patient-education/potty-training-children.
T. Berry Brazelton, Edward R. Christophersen, Annette C. Frauman, Peter A. Gorski, Jim M. Poole, Ann C. Stadtler, Carol L. Wright; Instruction, Timeliness, and Medical Influences Affecting Toilet Training. Pediatrics June 1999; 103 (Supplement_3): 1353–1358. 10.1542/peds.103.S3.1353